The Man Flu
I know many people have heard of the man flu or dad flu. You know the kind of sickness women make fun of men for because they act like they are dying? The one where when women suffer from it, we are basically warriors and still function throughout our every day life.
You know what I’m talking about.
Guess what? I caught it.
I know this may be a shock, but it really is as awful as men make it out to be. However, I fought valiantly and I am now here to tell my tale.
It started as a normal day. I was arguing with my children because they weren’t listening to me as usual when the first symptom hit me. This scratchy nonsense at the back of my throat along with a slight headache. Immediately I took my normal remedy of Sudafed and Ibuprofen and went on with my day. Now usually when I take these I receive a little relief and am able to go about my day. That’s not what happened this time.
I was woken up in the middle of the night to this horrendous pain in my throat. I felt like I was swallowing daggers. Obviously I could not sleep so I went and took more Sudafed and Ibuprofen hoping to be able to get some rest. Did it work? Well this wouldn’t be a good story if it did.
Since I can’t sleep I decide to just lay in bed and wait for the angels (hopefully it’s them) to take me away
Because my husband was on shift, I texted him a play by play of what was going on as if I thought it would make a difference and he would come home to save me. He did come home, but only to get ready for his second job and off he went. I have to give him credit he did feel bad leaving me in my condition and took over when his shift ended, so that was nice. In the meantime I had to stay alive long enough to keep my children alive until his return.
Easy enough right? That’s so cute, but so wrong. So very, very, wrong.
My kids suck the life out of me on a good day, but when I’m incapacitated they seem to take advantage and take whatever is left of my soul.
Moms aren’t allowed to take a day off
Deathbed or not, the house must continue to function like a well oiled machine. Too bad at this point the house and my sanity were only as strong as the duct tape holding it together (I’m giving it all she’s got Captain!).
Will my death be quick?
This day my children chose to be particularly needy and loud. Not saying they aren’t always loud and needy, but this day just seemed worse. Since my son is 11 I was kind of hoping he would help a little more with his sister and at least let me take a nap on the couch. That didn’t happen. He did help a little, but I made the mistake of letting him play Xbox while I tried to nap and well everything went out the window. He’s yelling at his game and also for my daughter to stop yelling, my daughter is yelling for who knows why, and I’m laying on the couch begging for literally anyone to take me away at this point. They preyed on my weakness.
My sore throat prevented the mom voice from making an appearance. I’m sorry, but the whisper voice is like a mouse trying to get a snake to take pity and not eat them in my house.
My son deserves credit though. He didn’t ask much of me and did as much as he could (I also felt bad having him do stuff because I’m the mom, I’m supposed to be doing stuff). I’m thankful for one child who listens semi well.
Begging, pleading, bribing, later we make it through the day. Husband comes home and takes over while I retreat to the darkness that is our bedroom to die quietly.
When death never came I watched the sun rise. I continued this same routine of no sleep and agony for about a month. It was awful!
So what plague did I have?
I went to the doctor in hopes for a quick fix thinking it was strep. It wasn’t strep. it was a virus that would just have to go away on its own. So I suffered through the worst sore throat I have ever had. I even begged my best friend to rip my throat out and become my translator for the rest of my life…she would have done it, but had to be logical and make me take a few more days before we resorted to such drastic measures. Once that fun experience was over I turned to vomiting and coughing. Basically I didn’t sleep for a month due to my body battling whatever virus that took up residence in it.
So yeah, I’m pretty sure that is what the man flu is. That virus that can’t be stopped so you either wait for death to whisk you away or you suffer the torture. Do I agree that it’s awful? A Big Fat Yes! Will I be more considerate when my husband catches it? Probably not, but I will still take care of him and nurse him back to health as quickly as possible because do you know what’s worse than the man flu?
In case you are wondering, it’s the flu where your kids get sick and better and sick again and better again basically every couple of hours and you have no idea what is going on.
Ain’t nobody got time for that
-One Exhausted Mama